Tuesday, September 1

I

3rd week of school. 12 left. Soul gone. New committments, demands and expectations. Wished everybody would stop asking so much of me. But no i dont tell them in their faces. I suck them all up like a vaccum cleaner. Like a supermassive blackhole. Dont see my old friends anymore. Meeting too many new people. And wicked people.I am becoming milder. Self defence mechanism. Being around so many new friends, but always feeling friendless. Like adapting but not belonging. I have one other closer fellow adaptor. Just one. Feeling good about it. One familiar face is better than 10 more strangers to be explored. I dont want to explore people. I am not a good explorer. I used to love dissecting people. But killed too many in the process. Dont want to do it again. Dont want blood on my hands. So I just want to see new people and judge them on appearance. Can I not know you so well? Can we just pretend that both of us want to know each other, skip that part, smile then part? Just say hi and bye to me and then let me disappear ok? I want to float around ok. I have enough close friends. They took so long to discover. Now I just want to rest. So I stay in my own zone and you dont come and disturb me ok. Ok done deal.

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